By Lanji Ouko
African traditional culture required children to learn a number of life lessons and moral values through apprenticeship from elders in the community including gratitude, courage and respect. Today, children are expected to learn everything from their respective schools.
Parents are busy trying to fend for their families and therefore it causes a strain on them, trying to balance career and also have time to train their children on values such as discipline and respect.
Despite the African culture teaching young children on aspects of discipline and respect, a number of aspects in relation to modern day mannerisms, especially with the advent of colonization and subsequent independence, were left out. It has become a pain in the flesh especially, with the globalization of the world, where Western trends picked up in media such us TV, print and the Internet have become the order of the day.
Conventionally, across the continent, African cuisine is one of the simplest to indulge in. Ugali, fufu, injera, mandazi and jollof rice are just a few delicacies enjoyed in different parts of the continent that clearly show how irrelevant the use of cutlery is in African societies.
Etiquette is defined as ‘the fine art of getting along with people’. However, it is often misunderstood as being all about manners. Getting along with people therefore entails being able to speak in appropriate language, eat in a way that does not make anyone else uncomfortable and dress modestly among other aspects. Today, a number of people have been spotted to faking chivalry and etiquette. What do we, as Africans, really know about etiquette?
Etiquette and manners vary from place to place, culture to culture. However there is an internationally acceptable manner in which people are expected to behave.
In Japan for instance, when eating noodles and soups, slurping shows your appreciation of the food to the chef. It is considered rude if you cross, lick or stick your chopsticks vertically into a bowl of rice. In many parts of Japan, China, the Middle East and other parts of Africa, it is considered disrespectful and unclean to eat with your left hand.
In most parts of the country it is considered modest to split the bill in a restaurant. In France, however, it is the clearest indication of lack of sophistication. If you can’t offer to pay the whole bill, then let someone else do it but don’t offer to split the bill.
Using fork and knife in Mexico is a sign of being snobbish. Belches are considered an indication of your satisfaction and a compliment to the chef on a job well done in China. Closer home, in Ethiopia, individual plates are considered wasteful, therefore food is shared on a huge plate, with no use of cutlery, only the hands.
How is one expected to master all these different cultural etiquette rules, you ask? In August, The William Hobson Academy, School of Etiquette, Culture & Social Protocol launched in Nairobi. Owned by an exclusive ladies only membership club, the school’s goal is to empower people by giving them confidence to communicate with ease in all spheres of their lives ranging from the social scene, to school, to their workplace without considering their culture inferiority in order to realise their full potential in life.
Miss Butsili, one of the directors says with the current social trends and Internet addiction, our children are likely to lose track of the fundamental life values and, more disheartening, completely lose touch of their cultural values.
After the team conducted research locally in International, private and public schools, it became clear that core values are neither instilled in the school curriculums nor taught back at home.
You may have attended a wedding reception and heard the groom’s mother or best man make an extremely horrid and inappropriate speech leaving all the guests cringing uncomfortably. Or maybe listened to a teenager speak to her mother as though they are age mates? Maybe even stumbled upon a teenager’s text messages with inappropriate language? The William Hobson Academy’s curriculum covers each one of these areas! Ranging from wedding etiquette, to table manners and social protocol.
The main program helps groom young ladies into respectable, powerful young women. The course outline includes image and personal branding, flower arrangement, public speaking, wine and cheese tasting and deportment among others.
“Society expects ladies to have poise, culture and discipline. Some of these things are not inborn and they therefore have to be nurtured through training, test and constant practice,” head of the academy, Emma Land said.
Former Kenyan beauty queen, Bidanya Barasa is part of the team of mentors and board of the academy. Being one of Kenya’s top beauty queens, it is clearly an affirmation of her ability to heed the universal laws of appropriate behaviour.
How does teaching individuals social and people skills on how to interact comfortably and confidently help the society?
Physiologically, confidence is one of the key factors of success, which is built upon the ability of one to view them as worthy and skilled. Training etiquette accelerates confidence and the skills are built step-by-step, day-by-day, by a child developing their skills. As such, the academy partners with other institutions such as the Dance Academy of Kenya, music academies and the horse stables to nurture the children’s hobbies and enable them to feel skilled. The children’s co-curricular activities include ballet, yoga, Pilates, horse riding, photography, baking, science & math, swimming, cycling, tennis and much more.
A five-minute scene of Kenyans at a local restaurant is intriguing, especially after speaking to the administration of the etiquette school; a man shouts across the restaurant asking the waiter for his change as he picks strands of meat from his teeth using the end of the bill. The lady on the next table is engrossed in a juicy conversation as she swirls her drumstick close to her friend’s face. Meanwhile, she continues to speak with a mouthful of chicken.
The school of social protocol, despite using world etiquette renowned syllabus is owned by Kenyans and has tweaked it’s system in order to tackle issues that are only understood to Kenyans, hoping also to tackle the aspects of tribalism and corruption among the next generation.
The academy will soon be relocated to the leafy suburbs of Karen from along State House Rd where they hope to attract a bigger clientele.
Courtesy in general helps with the socialization of people and helps respect people from various walks of life. The founder of the membership club recognised and identified a lack of social skills and an inability for individuals to express themselves confidently and clearly. Owing to our country’s history, social skills were not necessarily taught due to a number of cultural differences.
However, the world has become more technologically connected, therefore our social intelligence is suffering due to the loss of face-to-face interaction.
According to Miss Butsili, the lack of “common courtesies” is a major problem in Kenya especially in the service industry and they hope to establish more schools across the country in the next few years.
